Back to the start
by Happymood
Summary: Antonio wished he could go back in time. Small one-shot. Spamano.


Lovino slammed the door to his apartment and Antonio knew that there was no way he would ever come back again. In any other situation than that he would have run after him, ask for forgiveness as he always did, but this time Antonio knew there was nothing he could do about it.

They didn't work out. They were plainly not meant to be. Lovino was too young, too stubborn, and to fixed in his own ideas to understand Antonio's dreams. Even if they had only five years of difference, Antonio was too old, too laid back and too distracted to understand Lovino's needs.

They should have realized something was wrong from the very beginning, they should had felt it the second they met, that their characters were too different not to clash. Now Antonio could do nothing but stare at the closed door and notice with the corner of his eyes all the little things Lovino had left behind and that he was never going to come and take back again.

Antonio wished he could go a step backwards.

Back to when he and Lovino felt so at ease with each other they could practically read each other mind. Antonio didn't need for Lovino to say anything: he just knew what the other wanted. Sometimes they didn't even need to reach for the other hand that their fingers were already intertwined together.

To touch each other was second nature to them. There was nothing weird in laying an arm around the other's shoulders when they watched a movie together. Lovino knew exactly what Antonio would like for lunch, but he always ended up cooking what he wanted. Antonio knew and laughed about it. Antonio's arms around Lovino's figure when they were sleeping, and Lovino listening to Antonio's heartbeat until he fell asleep.

How much Antonio's heart had beaten when he asked Lovino to move in with him! Lovino had stared at him for a long, excruciating moment and then with a hidden smile and obvious blush just uttered a small: "Yes".

Antonio wanted to go back when he would have never, ever thought that he would want them to live together. Back to the time where feeling so comfortable around each other was still unnatural. When Lovino blushed tenfold every time he caught Antonio staring and said whatever he had in mind just to fill the silence with something. When Antonio's heart would beat so fast in his chest just by looking at Lovino's serious profile.

Long, secret glances they thought no one could see but that everybody noticed. Lovino's neck tilting a little so he could look at Antonio better when he spoke. Antonio smiling just so softly when Lovino talked with somebody. Back to all the times Lovino's hand moved forwards but just stopped midair before he could actually touch Antonio's hair.

A lot of kisses that began with one given under some mistletoe at a Christmas party. Antonio taking risks because there was no way Lovino would do the first step, and Lovino just praying Antonio would kiss him already.

Dating. A normal occurrence in the end, but a delight at the beginning. When Lovino stared at the wall, letting out steam by fighting with his brother and wondering why Antonio hadn't called yet. Antonio holding his cell phone next to his heart, wondering if it was a good idea or not to text Lovino and ask him out at least once.

Lovino had never told Antonio how happy he had been when Antonio gave him his number. Antonio hadn't danced around the matter for a long time, he just shared a knowing look with his best friend, Francis, and then said smiling widely:

"Hey, let's keep in touch!"

And Lovino had scowled, looked at him up and down and then shrugged and said:

"What-the-fuck-ever."

Back to where they were just students in the same college, different courses, hanging out just because he happened to know Lovino's brother through Ludwig, his friend Gilbert's younger brother.

Back to when they sat side by side when eating in the cafeteria: Francis hitting on Lovino and Lovino ready to punch Francis into obliviousness, and Feliciano laughing and chatting with Ludwig and Ludwig blushing, and Antonio not caring about anything else but the way Lovino's hazel eyes were so alluring.

Lovino who ended up loving him in the end, but hating Antonio's guts at the beginning because he considered him too much of a douchebag to be an all right guy.

"A bunch of idiots, the three of them."

The first time they shook hands. Antonio thinking that Lovino was really cute, and Lovino wondering if the other was a psychopath or something by the way the other was staring at him.

Back to the day Antonio and Lovino noticed each other for the first time, both of them thinking that the other was handsome but forgetting all about it the moment they passed each other and went to different directions.

Antonio wished he could go back to when Lovino looked at him, and Antonio just wished he could find something to say to him so they could break the ice. Antonio thought that there was something else behind that scowl and wanted, needed to find out more about Lovino's character.

Antonio wanted to go back to that indifferent scowl rather than remembering Lovino's tears.

Back to that moment and do everything all over again.


End file.
